PALTROW STEAM YOUR VAGINA, STOP GIVING GROOMING AND COOKING TIPS

From the Right-Side...

It is fairly well documented (I read a lot of blogs) that Oscar winner, Gwyneth Paltrow is an insufferable and vapid brat (sorry, Blythe, I do love you).

This is how I steam. Clothes only!

She acts, sings, blogs (Goop), writes, cooks (let's not forget her special pizza oven)...on and on. People toss out the word nepotism, but I have given her a pass (again, all about Blythe). Even when she droned on in a video about the proper way to make a bed, I smiled and thought it amusing and needless.

But, she has taken her celebrity shenanigans too far, and her hall pass has been revoked.

First, she admitted her dinner guests got sick and vomited from her eggplant dish. This is the cookbook and cooking tips queen we are talking about.

Undaunted by that disaster, she is now publicly proclaiming the virtues of vaginal steaming.  I get that facial and body steaming is just nice as can be. I get that steaming my wrinkly clothes is ginger-peachy. But, when I accidentally steam my hand and fingers, it is not pleasant. HURTS like hell. Steam is HOT, GP, and I don't like pain.

Don't get me wrong, if it feels good, Goop-Girl, do it. However, caution should be taken when advising others to do same without seeking the opinions of the pros. No, not the spa-spazzes. Doctors, you know the ones who actually know about vaginas.

By-the-way, a couple  of OB/GYN types chimed in and put a giant X on that vagina steaming throne GP sits her bits on.

Why can't people just do what they do best and leave it at that?

Jenny McCarthy and Gwyneth, we're all looking at both of you!

Gotta dash... 

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From the Left-Side: I know about steamed clams, and steamed shrimp ... steamed veggies ... and steamed clothes. But steamed Nether Regions? I have to DASH on that one... and fast!

JEANS HAVE GOTTEN COMPLEX

From the Right-Side...

Living in South Florida the wearing of jeans is tricky.

My jean collection knows I don't know.

Tricky in the sense that the weather shouts for white capri pants, white shorts or long white cotton skirts. Denim is worn mostly when a cool front (50 degrees) rips through the palm trees.

Even so, jeans intrigue me and I find them comforting on some strange level. Shopping for and purchasing them makes my head spin.

Here's the rub.

Jeans are no longer simply denim, zippers and rivets.

The racks are jammed with all types of brands, prices and definitions. Little tags are attached to guide and tell us this or that about a particular type. Options are vast and range from skinny, stretchy, angel cigarette, angel flare, powerstretch, ultimate skinny and on to infinity.  Pawing through them makes the head reel.

For example, what does skinny curvy mean? Sounds like a contradiction, but my recently purchased Calvin Klein jeans has this term right there inside the waistband.

Don't get me wrong. They fit just fine and are quite comfy. I just don't understand the labeling.

Michael Kors, on the other hand, gives us credit for understanding our jeans. Hence, his jeans have his name and not much more.

Because CK did provide a definition, I sort of want MK to do the same.

How am I to know how to feel about my jeans?

How will I know if they are skinny, curvy, skinny curvy or not skinny or curvy?

Mostly, I wear shorts, which takes the pressure off understanding the intricate details of my denim choices. What a relief.

I remember when all you had to do was slid into your size and get your groove on.

Gotta dash...

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From the Left-Side: One word: Levis.

POLO IN FLORIDA IS FUN AND FABULOUS

From the Right-Side...

Polo, the sport involving horses and ladies wearing hats, is in full-swing in South Florida.

Polo in Wellington, Florida.

Personally, my knowledge of the sport is somewhat limited, but I have no worries about all the rules and regulations.

All I really need to know is that Wellington, Florida, in the winter is the perfect place for such an outing.

Here is what you do need to know:

*Find a way to nab a spot at one of the many tents. It is the best way to view all the action.

As close as we will ever get to a Bentley.

You will need connections for this, but it can be done.

*Arrive at the Polo Grounds early as traffic and parking can be jammed.

*Dress as dressy as you wish, you will fit right in.

*Lovely hats are not a must, but why not?

*Do consider comfy shoes. I opted for dressy sandals by Ralph Lauren and the Left-Side went with the POLO canvas style. You may have to walk and your feet with thank you.

Comfy shoes are a must.

*If you are fortunate enough, your host will serve lovely champagne and delicious food. Ours did.

Shoes help us get into the spirit.

*You meet some fascinating people, so don't be afraid to strike up a little chat.

*You get to see cool things like Bentley convertibles.

*Watching the horses and riders, even if you are iffy on the rules, is absolutely delightful.

*Divot stomping is a time-honored tradition and the Left-Side always manages to nab a special promotional something the event folks toss into the crowd. It is only fair, after all the divot stomping.

Polo is new to us, but we are willing to trot (see what I did) out there and learn a new sport. Drinking champagne helps me learn!

Gotta dash...

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LOOK UP, MOHAWK AND THE BEACH

From the Right-Side...

January in South Florida just gives and gives.

We are at the eve of the weekend, and looking at palm trees and clear blue skies just never gets old. However, all around us there is so much more.

South Florida just gives and gives.

The great beaches, weather, sunsets, part-time residents and crowded highways and bi-ways all scream sub-tropics.

You never know what you will see or hear as you go about your business. It can be crazy and, in other words, we love it.

Take the faux-Mohawk, scooter riding, texting machine I spied at a stop light...perfection.

Take a cue from the Left-Side and look up, look down, look all around and let it all soak in...no matter where you are.

Cheers, people!

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SKYMALL HAS LEFT THE AIRPLANE

From the Right-Side...

As if I needed another reason to loathe all things airlines, the fact that my sacred on-board pleasure...shopping via Skymall...has gone belly-up is the final straw.

The sky will never be the same.

They have some nerve filing for bankruptcy.  What in the name of stale peanuts is this world coming to?

The sky has gotten darker today!

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Tsk, tsk. You mean no more buying of watches while an unsuspecting mate is trying to catch a few winks on an overseas flight? Rest in peace, SkyMall! -- The Left-Side.

THE AMERICANIZATION OF THE BRITISH CHEESE AND PICKLE SANDWICH

From the Right-Side...

A cheese and pickle sandwich by any other name, is still a cheese and pickle sandwich. But, is it?

The Americanization of the cheese and pickle sandwich.

British food does not exactly have the reputation for being exotic.  Aside from the traditional breakfast, which I greatly enjoy, it seems sort of basic. But, watching a BBC show called, As Time Goes By, my interest in the cuisine across the pond has been genuinely  piqued.

Two particular items keep popping into the scenes and I had to know more about Custard Tarts, and cheese and pickle sandwiches.

Grilled pickle and cheese sandwich.

So, without a hint of research, I made a cheese and pickle sandwich. I decided to take a stab at it with American cheese and Wickles relish. What do I know?

Afterwards, I looked up the proper way to make it according to the Brits. Yeah, I did not do it right. Wrong cheese and wrong pickled cucumbers.

First, it is a must to use something called Branston Pickles, which have been gracing bread and cheese since 1922.

Second, you use Cheddar Cheese.

Third, there was no mention of grilling, which I did.

Fourth, until I can secure some Branston Pickles, my American version of a cheese and pickles sandwich will do just fine.

My next mission?

Tackle those Custard Tarts, with a recipe in hand. The results should be amusing, if not successful.

Gotta dash...

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When it comes to pickles, Right-Side is quite the connoisseur. But I have to interject (that's the Left-Side's job description, right??) on this topic. Seriously? Before we go shopping in Jolly Old England, how about trying one of those sandwiches made with some good old, 100% American, Tony Packo pickles?  When we lived in the mid-West (?), we made several pilgrimages to Packo World Headquarters in Toledo, just to get the pickles. I bet they are every bit as good as that uppity Branston brand. 

Now that we have that out of the way, let me know when you need someone to sample those tarts.

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IMITATION GAME, EQUALITY AND THE SUPREME COURT OF 2015

From the Right-Side...

The Left-Side and I sauntered to the movie theater yesterday to catch Benedict Cumberbatch and Keira Knightley in The Imitation Game.


Alan Turing, code-breaking genius.

How the Enigma Code was broken fascinates me, but I knew little of Alan Turing. I am a nerd, just not a computer one.

Considered by many as the father of computers, he was a troubled, mathematical genius with a secret beyond the Germans.

How little I really knew, so, roll the film...

First, Keira Knightley was understated, yet gave depth of character to Joan Clarke. At a time when most working women made coffee, worked a switchboard, or took dictation, Clarke carved a niche for herself in a world of war and men.

Previously, not a Cumberbatch fan, I left the theater knowing I had underrated  the actor. He was brilliant and heartbreaking as Turing.

By the conclusion of the film, I was filled with tremendous respect for his talent and deep sadness and outrage for the suffering and personal cruelty the real Turing experienced until his suicide in 1954.

A man who helped break the Enigma Code, saved countless lives, cut a war short by several years, was not honored during his lifetime,  but tormented for his sexual preference. Gay was illegal in Great Britain, and he paid the price.

Leaving the theater, my mood was dark, and I needed to vent to the Left-Side.

Opting for fish and chips (a hat tip to Great Britain) at our al fresco, post-movie late lunch, I gazed at the gorgeous South Florida afternoon and reflected.

This blog post is not about my personal opinions on war and social injustice of the past and present. However, equality and personal freedom is not taken lightly by me, and should be of great importance to each human on this plant.

As the Supreme Court is about to take a look at equality for all in this country, it was not lost on me that in many ways we have come far from the angst-driven genius that was part of this film. Yet, have we?

Supreme judges, it is in your hands.

Justice is what you are all about, so don't imitate past injustice...make it right!

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